Explore our glossary to deepen your knowledge and understanding of the terms and concepts that are essential to your journey of healing and self-empowerment. Gain clarity and insight as you navigate the path towards reclaiming your life and embracing your true potential.
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A
- Absentmindedness
- Absentmindedness refers to a state of being forgetful, distracted, or preoccupied due to distractions, lack of focus, or divided attention, often leading to forgetfulness or a lack of attention towards one’s surroundings or the tasks at hand.
Example: John was so absorbed in his thoughts while leaving the house that he forgot to take his keys, and he had to return home to retrieve them.
- Adaptability
- Adaptability is the ability to adjust, change, or respond effectively to new circumstances, situations, or demands.
For example, a person who is adaptable can quickly learn and master new software or technology when their job requires it, without feeling overwhelmed or resistant to the change. They can also easily switch between tasks or projects, and are able to find effective solutions to unforeseen problems or challenges that arise in their work or personal life.
- Adaptive Coping
- Adaptive coping refers to the strategies, techniques, or behaviors that individuals use to effectively manage or deal with stress, challenges, or difficult situations in order to maintain their overall well-being. These coping mechanisms are considered adaptive as they contribute to positive outcomes, reduce the negative impact of stressful events, and promote resilience.
For example, let’s say that someone is feeling overwhelmed by their workload at work. Instead of becoming anxious or disheartened, they adopt adaptive coping strategies such as time management techniques, prioritizing tasks, breaking down big tasks into smaller manageable ones, seeking support or assistance if needed, and taking short breaks to relax and rejuvenate. These adaptive coping mechanisms help them manage their stress, improve their productivity, and maintain a sense of well-being.
- Affirmations
- Affirmations are positive statements that are repeated regularly to help in manifesting or reinforcing a desired belief or outcome. They are typically used in personal development practices to shift negative or limiting beliefs and promote a more positive mindset. These statements are phrased in a present tense and are meant to be highly specific and believable to bring about positive change.
Example: Let’s say someone wants to become more confident in their abilities before a job interview. They might use an affirmation like “I am confident and capable in all aspects of my work” and repeat it several times a day leading up to the interview. By consistently affirming this positive belief, they aim to condition their mind to focus on their strengths and abilities, increasing their confidence levels and performing better during the interview.
- Altruism
- Altruism refers to the selfless concern for the well-being and happiness of others, often demonstrated by acts of kindness or generosity without expecting anything in return.
For example, if a person sees someone in need on the street and decides to buy them some food and provide assistance without any ulterior motives or seeking personal gain, that would be considered an act of altruism.
- Ambition
- Ambition is a strong desire or determination to achieve success, power, or recognition in a particular endeavor.
For example, a person who aspires to become the CEO of a company and works tirelessly, taking up new challenges and constantly improving their skills, showcases ambition. They set high goals for themselves and take consistent action towards achieving them.
- Attention Deficit
- Attention deficit refers to a condition characterized by difficulties in focusing, sustaining attention, and controlling impulsive behaviors. Individuals with attention deficit may struggle with distractions, have trouble following instructions, exhibit forgetfulness, and frequently shift from one activity to another.
Example: A child with attention deficit may find it challenging to concentrate during a classroom lecture and may often become distracted by noises or their own wandering thoughts. They may have difficulty staying organized and often lose track of homework assignments or forget to bring necessary materials to school. Additionally, they may frequently interrupt others or have trouble waiting for their turn to speak or participate in activities.
- Attention-Seeking
- Attention-seeking behavior refers to actions or behaviors displayed by an individual with the purpose of drawing attention and gaining recognition from others. This behavior stems from a desire for validation, acknowledgment, or a need to be the center of attention.
Example: A child who constantly interrupts conversations or engages in disruptive behavior in a group setting to redirect everyone’s attention toward themselves is exhibiting attention-seeking behavior.
- Attribution Bias
- The tendency to attribute the causes or explanations of others’ behaviors or events to dispositional or internal factors, while overlooking or devaluing situational or external factors.
For example, let’s say you observe a person being rude to a waiter at a restaurant. Instead of considering that the person might be having a bad day or experiencing some personal difficulties, you immediately assume that they are naturally rude and have a bad personality. This attribution bias ignores the possibility that external factors might be influencing their behavior.
B
- Bad Guilt
- Bad guilt refers to a negative emotion that arises when we feel remorse or self-blame for something that we have done or failed to do, even if it is unwarranted or out of our control. It is typically irrational and can lead to excessive self-criticism and a sense of constant inadequacy.
Example: Suppose you promised a friend that you would attend their birthday party, but on the day of the event, you came down with a severe illness and were unable to go. Despite having a legitimate reason for not being able to attend, you still feel guilty and believe that you let your friend down. You feel bad about something that was beyond your control, experiencing bad guilt.
- Body Language
- Body language refers to the non-verbal communication expressed through physical movements, gestures, facial expressions, and posture. It plays a significant role in conveying emotions, attitudes, and intentions without using words.
Example: When a person crosses their arms tightly against their chest and avoids eye contact during a conversation, it often indicates defensiveness or resistance to what is being said.
- Boundaries
- Boundaries are limits or guidelines that define what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior in a relationship or interaction. They help establish and maintain clear expectations and help ensure that the needs, rights, and well-being of all individuals involved are respected.
For example, in a friendship, setting boundaries might involve communicating and agreeing on how much personal information is shared, what topics are off-limits, and how much time is spent together. This establishes a mutually agreed upon understanding of each person’s comfort levels and helps prevent misunderstandings or conflicts.
- Burnout
- Burnout is a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion caused by chronic, prolonged stress. It can occur when a person feels overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet the constant demands and pressures they face. It can be caused by high workload, lack of support or control over work, challenging work environment, and conflicting demands. Additionally, individual factors like perfectionism, lack of self-care, and poor coping mechanisms can also make someone more susceptible to burnout.
For example, imagine a nurse working in a busy hospital. The nurse regularly faces long shifts, unpredictable patient demands, and a high-pressure environment. There are frequent staff shortages, which means the nurse has to consistently handle a heavier workload. The nurse may feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally drained due to the constant demands and pressures of the job. Over time, if these stressors are not effectively managed, the nurse could experience burnout.
C
- Catastrophizing
- Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion characterized by the tendency to view or anticipate a situation as much worse than it actually is. It involves exaggerating the potential negative outcomes and overestimating their probability, resulting in an irrational and irrational fear of the worst possible outcome.
Example: Lucie has a presentation at work the next day, but she starts catastrophizing and thinking, “I know I’m going to screw up my presentation, and everyone will think I’m incompetent. I’ll definitely get fired, and then I won’t be able to find a new job. I will end up homeless and alone.” Despite there being no evidence to support these extreme thoughts, Lucie’s catastrophizing leads to excessive anxiety and distress.
- Classical Conditioning
- Classical conditioning is a type of learning where a previously neutral stimulus becomes associated with a natural or instinctive response, ultimately leading to the elicitation of that response by the previously neutral stimulus alone. In simple terms, classical conditioning involves pairing two stimuli to create a learned association.
For example, let’s say a dog loves to eat food and automatically salivates when it sees its food dish. In this case, the unconditioned stimulus (UCS) is the food, and the unconditioned response (UCR) is salivation. Now if we introduce a bell before giving food, and repeat this pairing multiple times, eventually the dog will start to associate the bell with food and salivate even when the bell is rung without the presence of food. In this scenario, the bell is the previously neutral stimulus (NS) that becomes a conditioned stimulus (CS), and the salivation in response to the bell alone is the conditioned response (CR).
If you apply that to people, let’s say there is a particular type of cologne that an individual strongly associates with someone they deeply care about, such as their romantic partner. Initially, the smell of the cologne is a neutral stimulus. However, through repeated exposure to their partner wearing the cologne during positive and loving experiences, they start to develop a positive emotional response to the smell. Over time, the smell of the cologne becomes a conditioned stimulus (CS), eliciting feelings of love, happiness, and affection as a conditioned response (CR) even when the partner is not present.
- Codependency
- Codependency is an unhealthy type of relationship dynamic in which one person excessively relies on another for their emotional well-being and sense of self-worth. This often involves enabling or being overly dependent on the other person’s actions or emotions.
For example, a codependent person may constantly seek validation and approval from their partner. They may prioritize the partner’s needs and desires over their own, even if it negatively affects their own well-being. They might also feel excessively responsible for their partner’s happiness and try to fix their problems, even when it is not their responsibility to do so.
- Coercive Control
- Coercive control refers to a pattern of abusive behavior in which one person exerts power and control over another through various tactics such as isolating them from friends and family, monitoring their every move, gaslighting, intimidation, or using threats and physical violence to maintain dominance.
For example, imagine a couple where one partner constantly monitors the other’s phone, demanding access to their social media accounts, text messages, and call logs. They also restrict the other person’s interactions with friends and family, and often engage in name-calling and threats if the partner tries to resist. This concerted effort to control the other person’s communication and social connections illustrates coercive control.
- Cognitive Biases
- Cognitive biases refer to systematic patterns of deviation from rationality or objective judgments that individuals tend to exhibit in particular situations. These biases often occur as a result of mental shortcuts or simplifications the brain uses to make quick decisions.
One example of a cognitive bias is the confirmation bias. This bias occurs when individuals favor information that confirms their preexisting beliefs or hypotheses and tend to ignore or dismiss contradictory evidence. For instance, imagine a person strongly believes that all politicians are corrupt. They may actively seek out news articles or information that supports their belief, while disregarding any evidence of politicians who are not corrupt.
- Cognitive Dissonance
- Cognitive dissonance refers to the psychological discomfort or tension that arises when a person holds two or more contradictory beliefs, attitudes, or values simultaneously, or when their actions do not align with their beliefs.
For example, let’s say a person strongly believes in the importance of conserving the environment and reducing their carbon footprint. However, they regularly engage in behaviors that contribute to environmental pollution, such as driving a fuel-inefficient vehicle or not recycling. This inconsistency between their beliefs and actions creates cognitive dissonance. The discomfort may push them to either alter their behaviors (such as buying an electric vehicle) or modify their beliefs (such as questioning the importance of environmental conservation).
- Cognitive Load
- Cognitive load refers to the amount of mental effort or processing capacity required to complete a task. It measures how mentally demanding an activity or information processing is on an individual’s working memory.
For example, cognitive load can be experienced while learning a new skill, such as playing a musical instrument. As a beginner, there are multiple elements to focus on, including hand position, finger movement, and reading sheet music. The novice musician needs to allocate mental resources to process and coordinate these different components simultaneously, which can be mentally taxing and increase cognitive load.
- Cognitive Restructuring
- The process of reframing or altering one’s thought patterns, beliefs, or cognitive interpretations to promote more positive or adaptive thinking and emotional well-being.
Example: Suppose a person has the belief that they are always the cause of conflict in their relationships. Through cognitive restructuring, they would analyze this belief and look for evidence that supports or contradicts it. They might challenge this belief by considering instances where conflicts were not their fault or by recognizing that conflicts can arise from various factors. By reframing their thinking and adopting a more balanced perspective, they can replace the negative self-perception with a more realistic and constructive outlook on their relationships.
- Compulsive Behavior
- Compulsive behavior refers to repetitive actions or thoughts that an individual feels compelled to perform, often to alleviate anxiety or distress caused by obsessive thoughts. These behaviors are typically difficult to control and may interfere with daily life.
For example, someone with compulsive hand-washing may feel an intense need to wash their hands repeatedly throughout the day, even if their hands are already clean. This behavior is driven by an obsessive fear of germs and the compulsion to wash their hands serves to reduce the anxiety associated with these thoughts.
- Confirmation Bias
- Confirmation bias refers to the tendency of individuals to look for, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms their pre-existing beliefs or hypotheses while ignoring or disregarding contradictory evidence.
For example, let’s say a person strongly believes that eating organic food is healthier than conventionally grown food. They might actively search for and pay attention to studies or articles that support their belief, like studies that highlight potential benefits of organic food. At the same time, they might overlook or discount studies that show no significant difference in nutritional value between organic and conventionally grown food. This individual’s confirmation bias would lead them to reinforce their belief in the health benefits of organic food, while dismissing evidence that challenges their perspective.
- Core Values
- Core values are the fundamental beliefs and guiding principles that shape the behavior and culture of an individual or organization. These values are deeply held and define what is important to the person or entity, guiding their decisions, actions, and interactions.
For example, an individual’s core values may include honesty, integrity, and respect. These values would guide their choices in being truthful, acting with moral principles, and treating others with dignity, regardless of the situation they find themselves in.
- Covert Behaviors
- Covert behaviors refer to actions or behaviors that are intentionally concealed or hidden from others. These behaviors are typically performed in secrecy or behind closed doors to avoid detection or scrutiny. They are often private or confidential in nature and are not openly displayed or discussed.
An example of covert behavior could be secretly spreading rumors about someone. In this case, the person engaging in covert behavior may share false or harmful information about someone else to intentionally damage their reputation. This behavior is done in secrecy and is hidden from the person being targeted, as well as others who may be affected by the rumors.
D
- Defense Mechanisms
- Defense mechanisms refer to unconscious psychological processes that an individual uses to protect themselves from anxiety, stress, or other unpleasant emotions. These mechanisms are used unconsciously to safeguard the ego and maintain psychological balance, emotional well-being.
A concrete example of a defense mechanism is denial. When faced with a difficult reality or situation that causes anxiety, an individual might subconsciously convince themselves that the situation is not true or did not happen. For instance, a person who has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness may deny the diagnosis and refuse to believe that they are actually sick.
- Denial
- Denial is a psychological defense mechanism where an individual refuses to accept or acknowledge a certain truth, fact, or reality, often due to the discomfort it may cause them. It involves avoiding or distorting information that challenges their beliefs or desires.
For example, a person who is addicted to alcohol may deny their addiction by downplaying the amount they drink, making excuses, or refusing to listen to concerns from others, leading them to maintain their belief that they do not have a problem despite evidence suggesting otherwise.
- Displacement
- Displacement is a defense mechanism that refers to the act of redirecting one’s emotional reactions or impulses from their original source or target onto another person, object, or situation. It involves shifting feelings or frustrations onto a substitute target that may be less threatening or more accessible.
For example, suppose a person is having a frustrating day at work due to a disagreement with their boss. Instead of expressing their anger towards their boss, they might come home and lash out at their spouse over a trivial matter, displaying displaced anger. The spouse becomes the target of the person’s emotions, even though they were not directly involved in the original cause of frustration.
- Dissociation
- A defense mechanism where individuals detach from their thoughts, feelings, or memories to manage stress, trauma, or emotional pain.
Example: Amy, who experienced a car accident, starts feeling detached from her surroundings and her own body. She might perceive the world as unreal, or like she’s watching a movie. This dissociative state allows her to temporarily distance herself from the traumatic event, providing a sense of emotional numbness.
- Distorted Thinking
- Distorted thinking, also known as cognitive distortions or irrational thinking, refers to patterns of thinking that are biased, irrational, and deviate from reality. It involves misinterpreting information or events, leading to negative emotions or dysfunctional behaviors.
Example: Suppose someone receives a text message from a friend that says, “Sorry, can’t meet you tonight.” They engage in distorted thinking by automatically assuming that their friend doesn’t value their friendship and refuses to spend time with them. Despite the possibility of a valid reason for canceling the plan, such as illness or a prior commitment, they inaccurately interpret the situation in a negative way, leading to feelings of anger and rejection.
E
- Emotional Abuse
- Emotional abuse refers to a pattern of harmful behaviors aimed at manipulating, controlling, or undermining someone’s emotions, self-worth, or mental well-being. It involves tactics that constantly belittle, degrade, criticize, humiliate, or isolate the victim. Instead of physical harm, emotional abuse primarily inflicts psychological and emotional pain.
For instance, in a romantic relationship, emotional abuse may occur if one partner repeatedly tells the other that they are worthless, makes them feel guilty for spending time with friends or family, constantly monitors their whereabouts, insults their appearance or abilities, and denies them any control over decision-making. These actions gradually erode the victim’s self-esteem and instill a sense of powerlessness and dependence.
- Emotional Contagion
- Emotional contagion refers to the process by which individuals’ emotions and moods are influenced by the emotions and moods of others. It is the phenomenon of catching or transferring emotions between people, usually occurring through nonverbal communication, unconscious mimicry, or empathy.
Example: Imagine two colleagues at work, John and Sarah. One day, John is feeling extremely stressed and anxious about an important presentation he has to give. Sarah sits next to him and starts feeling uneasy, although she wasn’t feeling this way before. She unknowingly “catches” John’s emotional state through emotional contagion. Without any direct conversation or explanation, Sarah’s emotions are influenced and mirrored by John’s, resulting in her experiencing similar feelings of stress and anxiety.
- Emotional Intelligence
- The ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions as well as the emotions of others. It involves being aware of our feelings, effectively expressing them, and empathizing with the emotions of those around us.
Let’s take an example of a mother with young children. Suppose one day her child is having a temper tantrum, feeling frustrated and upset. A mother with high emotional intelligence would be able to understand the emotions behind the tantrum, recognize the child’s emotions, and respond with empathy and support. She might approach the situation calmly, validating her child’s feelings, and offering comforting words or finding a solution to their problem. By using her emotional intelligence effectively, the mother can foster a sense of understanding, emotional connection, and support within the family, leading to positive outcomes and a stronger bond between mother and child.
- Emotional Numbing
- A psychological defense mechanism where individuals suppress or disconnect from their emotions as a means of coping with trauma or overwhelming situations. It is often associated with a reduced capacity to feel joy, happiness, sadness, or any other emotional response. Individuals may feel emotionally flat, as if their feelings are muted or absent.
Example: After witnessing a tragic accident, a person may experience emotional numbing, making them feel detached and unable to experience their usual range of emotions. They may struggle to feel joy, sadness, or even love, as if their emotions have been numbed or blunted.
- Emotional Regulation
- Emotional regulation refers to the ability to manage and control one’s emotions in order to adapt to different situations and maintain emotional well-being. It involves being aware of one’s emotions, understanding them, and being able to respond to them in a healthy and constructive manner.
For example, let’s say you receive some criticism at work that you find unfair and it triggers anger in you. Emotional regulation would involve recognizing and acknowledging that you are feeling angry, understanding why it is happening, and then choosing how to respond to it. Instead of reacting impulsively with outbursts or aggression, emotional regulation would allow you to calm yourself down, express your concerns in a respectful manner, or find a productive way to address the situation.
- Emotional Regulation
- Emotional regulation refers to the ability to effectively manage and control one’s emotions, particularly in response to challenging or distressing situations. It involves the conscious effort to understand, express, and appropriately modulate emotions to achieve a balanced and well-regulated emotional state.
Example: Imagine a person who gets frustrated when faced with a difficult problem at work. Instead of becoming overwhelmed and reacting impulsively, they consciously take a deep breath, calm themselves down, and approach the problem with a clear and focused mindset. By regulating their emotions, they are able to think more rationally and find a solution to the problem effectively.
- Empathy
- Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and being able to relate to their emotions and experiences.
For example, imagine a working mom who is feeling overwhelmed and stressed due to managing both her professional and personal responsibilities. Her friend, who is also a mom, listens to her and acknowledges her feelings without judgment. The friend reflects on her own past experiences of juggling work and motherhood and expresses compassion and understanding for what the mom is going through. This shows empathy because the friend is not just sympathizing with the mom but genuinely connecting with her emotions and providing support.
- Existential Crisis
- Existential crisis is a stage of deep reflection and uncertainty about one’s purpose, meaning, and identity in life. It is a moment when an individual feels overwhelmed by questions regarding the fundamental aspects of existence, often leading to feelings of anxiety, confusion, and sometimes even a loss of motivation.
Example: Olivia, a devoted mother in her early 30s, begins to question her identity and purpose in life. She has dedicated the past few years to taking care of her children and providing for her family. However, she starts feeling a sense of emptiness and wonders if there is more to her life than being a mother. Olivia grapples with existential questions about her own dreams, aspirations, and individuality. She feels a deep longing to rediscover herself beyond the role of a mom and find a way to balance her own desires with her responsibilities. This internal struggle and search for meaning characterize Sarah’s existential crisis.
- Experiential Avoidance
- Experiential avoidance refers to a cognitive and behavioral pattern where individuals try to avoid or suppress uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, or psychological experiences. It involves efforts to escape or avoid internal experiences rather than directly addressing them.
An example of experiential avoidance is when someone constantly distracts themselves or engages in unhealthy behaviors (such as excessive alcohol or drug use) to avoid facing feelings of sadness or anxiety. They may avoid situations or conversations that trigger these emotions, rather than confronting and working through them directly.
F
- Financial Abuse
- Financial abuse is a form of control and manipulation in which one person exploits or limits their partner’s access to financial resources, knowledge, or decision-making power, with the intention to gain power or control over them.
For example, in a relationship, one partner may control all the finances, denying the other partner access to money or information about their shared financial situation. They may refuse to allow the partner to work or place restrictions on their spending, causing dependency and limiting their choices and freedom.
- Flying Monkeys
- Flying monkeys refer to individuals who are manipulated or recruited by a narcissist to assist in their abusive behavior. These individuals act as enablers or defenders of the narcissist, carrying out their agenda and targeting those who threaten the narcissist’s control or self-image.
For instance, let’s say Sarah breaks up with her narcissistic partner, John, due to his emotional abuse. Instead of accepting responsibility for his behavior, John enlists their mutual friend, Alex, as a flying monkey. Alex starts spreading rumors about Sarah, questioning her sanity, and blaming her for the failed relationship. Alex becomes John’s tool to continue attacking Sarah indirectly, disregarding her well-being and acting as a conduit for abuse by proxy.
- Frequency Bias
- Frequency bias refers to the tendency to rely more on information that is encountered frequently or repeatedly, rather than considering other less common or easily accessible information. It can lead to overestimating the likelihood or importance of events just because they are more readily available in memory.
For example, if a person frequently hears news reports about plane crashes, they might develop a fear of flying and believe that air travel is much more dangerous than it actually is. This fear is fueled by the frequency bias, as the person focuses on the easily accessible information about plane crashes rather than considering the statistically low occurrence of such incidents.
G
- Gaslighting
- Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where a person tries to make someone doubt their perception of reality. It involves twisting or distorting information, making the victim question their memory, judgement, or sanity.
For example, a parent consistently tells their child that they are a burden, even though the child is responsible and well-behaved. Over time, the child may start to believe they are problematic and doubt their own worth. Or again, one partner consistently accuses the other of having affairs or being attracted to others, even without any evidence. They then deny these accusations when confronted, making their partner question their own faithfulness and sanity.
- Grounded
- Grounded means being connected to reality, practical, or having a strong sense of self-awareness. It refers to a person who is level-headed, rational, and focused on the present moment.
For example, let’s say a friend of yours is stressed about an upcoming job interview and is overthinking about all the potential outcomes. You advise them to stay grounded by reminding them to focus on their preparation and skills, rather than getting lost in anxious thoughts. By staying grounded, your friend can approach the interview with a clear mind and realistic expectations.
H
- Herd Mentality
- Herd mentality, also known as mob mentality or pack mentality, refers to the tendency of individuals to conform to the behaviors, opinions, or actions of a larger group. It involves adopting the beliefs or behaviors of others in a way that suppresses individuality and critical thinking.
Example: During a football match, a small group of fans start behaving aggressively towards the opposing team’s supporters. Without individually considering the consequences or the motivations behind their actions, others in the stadium start joining in. This behavior spreads rapidly through the crowd as people feel a sense of anonymity and safety in numbers, perpetuating the aggression and causing a full-fledged brawl. Each individual’s actions in this scenario are driven by the herd mentality as they conform to the aggressive behavior displayed by the larger group.
- Hero Complex
- Hero complex, also known as Messiah complex or savior complex, refers to an excessive or exaggerated need to save, fix, or rescue others. Individuals with a hero complex often perceive themselves as heroes or saviors and strongly believe that it is their duty to help and save others, even to the point of neglecting their own needs.
Example: Laura has a hero complex and constantly seeks out people to rescue. She often sacrifices her own well-being and resources to save others, taking on their problems as her own. For instance, Laura may constantly get involved in other people’s conflicts, mediating and attempting to solve their issues to feel a sense of purpose and fulfill his hero role.
- Hoovering
- Hoovering refers to a manipulation tactic used by individuals, typically in toxic or abusive relationships, to draw their victims back into the relationship or maintain control over them. It involves an obsessive and intense pursuit or attention-seeking behavior that aims to revive or re-establish the connection with the victim.
For instance, let’s suppose someone recently ended a toxic relationship with their partner who was emotionally manipulative. The ex-partner, known for their hoovering tendencies, starts excessively calling, sending texts, and appearing uninvited at the person’s home or workplace, constantly seeking reconciliation. This persistent and overwhelming pursuit is a form of hoovering, attempting to lure the individual back into the relationship and regain control over them.
I
- Imposter Syndrome
- A pattern of self-doubt, insecurity, or feelings of inadequacy despite evidence of accomplishments, skills, or competence, often attributing success to external factors or luck. People with imposter syndrome often perceive themselves as inadequate and attribute their achievements to luck or external factors, rather than their own abilities or qualifications.
Example: Alice recently received a promotion at work for her exceptional performance, but she constantly doubts her abilities and feels like she doesn’t deserve the recognition. Despite receiving positive feedback from her colleagues and superiors, she believes that she got lucky and thinks she will eventually be exposed as incompetent. This self-doubt and fear of being a “fraud” characterizes Alice’s experience of imposter syndrome.
- Impression Management
- The conscious or subconscious process of controlling or manipulating the impressions others have of oneself through behavior, presentation, or communication.
In a social media context, individuals may engage in impression management by carefully curating their posts to present a perfect and enviable life. They may only share glamorous photos, highlight their achievements, and emphasize positive experiences, while hiding any struggles or negative aspects of their lives.
In a social event, someone might engage in impression management by constantly trying to be the center of attention. They may interrupt others, dominate conversations, and exaggerate their achievements or experiences to create the impression of being interesting and important.
Let’s say a person who wants to be perceived as wealthy and successful. They may buy expensive clothes, drive a luxury car, and constantly talk about their extravagant vacations and purchases, when they may actually struggling financially and living beyond their means.
- Impulsivity
- Impulsivity refers to the tendency to act or make decisions without thinking about the consequences thoroughly, often leading to hasty or risky actions. It involves acting on immediate desires or emotions without considering long-term effects.
For example, someone who is impulsive might impulsively purchase an expensive item they don’t really need just because they want it in the moment, without considering their financial situation or future financial goals.
- Intellectualization
- Intellectualization is a defense mechanism wherein an individual avoids dealing with emotional distress by excessively focusing on rational and logical aspects of a situation or problem. It involves treating emotional or personal issues as if they were purely intellectual or academic challenges.
Example: After losing a job, a person might choose to analyze labor market trends, study resume-writing techniques, and delve into job search websites, all to avoid facing their feelings of disappointment, fear, or insecurity. They detach themselves emotionally and approach the situation purely as an intellectual exercise rather than acknowledging and addressing their emotional response to the job loss.
J
- Jealousy
- Feeling of resentment or envy towards someone’s perceived advantages, possessions, or relationships.
For example, imagine a person who is in a committed relationship and sees their partner laughing and chatting with someone at a party. Despite their partner’s innocent intentions, the person may begin to feel jealous and worried that they might be losing their partner’s affection. This emotional response is driven by the fear of someone else becoming more important or attractive to their partner, leading to feelings of insecurity, possessiveness, and suspicion.
K
L
- Labeling
- Labeling, also referred to as stereotyping, is the process of categorizing or classifying individuals or groups based on preconceived beliefs, assumptions, or characteristics. It involves assigning certain traits, behaviors, or attributes to a person or a group without considering the individual differences or complexities that exist within the group.
Example: Assuming that all people from a particular country are lazy based on a stereotype would be an example of labeling.
- Learned Aggression
- Learned aggression refers to the acquisition of aggressive behaviors, attitudes, or responses through observation, socialization, or personal experience. It occurs when an individual, typically a child, learns to exhibit aggressive behavior as a result of being exposed to aggressive models or experiencing aggression themselves.
For example, in a child from an abusive household, learned aggression may manifest when they witness their parents physically fighting and using aggressive language towards each other. The child may imitate this behavior and develop aggressive tendencies themselves. For instance, the child may start hitting or yelling at their siblings or peers to resolve conflicts, as they have learned that aggression is an acceptable way to deal with anger or frustration.
- Learned Apathy
- Learned apathy refers to a state of indifference or lack of concern that develops over time due to repeated exposure to negative or distressing experiences, repeated experiences of frustration, disappointment, or feeling defeated. It occurs when an individual becomes desensitized to feelings of empathy or sympathy towards others.
For example, a journalist covering war zones for many years may develop learned apathy towards the suffering of individuals affected by conflicts. They may have initially felt deeply moved and compassionate but, after witnessing countless tragic events, they gradually become emotionally numb and disengaged from the stories they report. They no longer experience the same level of empathy and may perceive the suffering of others as commonplace or routine.
- Learned Behavior
- Behaviors, habits, or skills that are acquired or developed through observation, experience, or socialization, rather than being inherently present at birth.
For example, a baby learning to walk is an example of learned behavior. Initially, the baby may attempt to stand up and take a few wobbly steps, but through trial and error, they gradually learn to balance themselves, coordinate their movements, and eventually walk independently. This behavior is learned through observation of others’ walking, repeated practice, and feedback from the environment.
- Learned Empathy
- Learned empathy refers to the development of the ability to understand and share someone else’s feelings, emotions, and experiences through conscious effort and practice. It involves acquiring empathy skills and perspectives that may not have come naturally.
Example: A person who initially struggles with understanding and recognizing others’ emotions actively engages in empathy-building exercises, such as listening intently, imagining themselves in someone else’s position, and seeking different perspectives. Over time, they learn to better empathize with others and respond with sensitivity and understanding.
- Learned Fear
- Learned fear refers to the type of fear that arises as a result of a specific experience or association formed with a particular stimulus or situation. It involves the acquisition of fear through exposure to certain events or information.
For example, if an individual gets bitten by a dog, they may develop a learned fear of dogs. The original experience of being bitten becomes associated with dogs in general, leading to an increased fear response whenever they encounter a dog afterward. This learned fear may cause the individual to avoid dogs or experience heightened anxiety in their presence.
- Learned Helplessness
- Learned helplessness refers to a psychological response in which an individual continuously faces negative experiences and begins to believe that they have no control over the situation, even when opportunities for escape or improvement are presented. It is characterized by a passive and hopeless attitude towards challenging circumstances.
Example: Imagine a person who has had a series of failed relationships. They begin to believe that they are unworthy of love and that they are destined to be alone. As a result, they start withdrawing from potential romantic opportunities and refuse to put themselves out there, convinced that their efforts will be futile. Even if someone expresses interest and shows affection towards them, they might reject it due to their learned helplessness.
- Learned Optimism
- Learned optimism is a psychological concept developed by Martin Seligman that refers to the ability to cultivate a positive outlook on life and interpret adversity in a constructive manner. It involves training oneself to think optimistically, focusing on the belief that one has control over their circumstances and that failure or setbacks are temporary and specific rather than permanent and pervasive.
For example, let’s say a person receives a rejection letter after applying for a job. An optimist with learned optimism might interpret this setback as a temporary setback in their job search rather than a reflection of their skills or abilities. They would likely maintain the belief that they have control over their job-seeking efforts and continue persistently in their search with a positive attitude. They might see this rejection as a specific, isolated event and not let it affect their overall confidence or self-esteem.
- Learned Trust
- Learned trust refers to trust that is acquired through experiences and interactions over time. It is not automatically given or assumed, but rather earned through consistent behavior and actions that demonstrate reliability and dependability.
Example: John and Jane have been dating for several months. Initially, they were hesitant and guarded as they didn’t know each other well. However, as they spent more time together, they started to open up and share their thoughts and feelings. They discovered that they could rely on each other for support and that they consistently followed through on their promises. Their learned trust grew as they continued to build a strong foundation of honesty, loyalty, and dependability.
- Legal Abuse
- Legal abuse refers to the misuse or manipulation of the legal system by an individual or entity to cause harm or take advantage of others for personal gain. It involves exploiting or distorting legal processes, rights, or remedies with malicious intent or to create an unfair advantage.
In a co-parenting situation, legal abuse can manifest as one parent intentionally filing numerous frivolous or unnecessary motions, petitions, or complaints against the other parent, solely to burden them with legal expenses, stress, and drain their resources. This behavior aims to manipulate the legal system to harm or gain an advantage in the custody or visitation arrangements, rather than acting in the best interests of the child. This can have devastating emotional and financial consequences for the targeted parent and can cause ongoing conflict and disruption in the co-parenting relationship.
- Limiting beliefs
- Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts, attitudes, or assumptions that individuals hold about themselves, others, or the world, which can restrict personal growth and success. These beliefs often stem from past experiences, societal norms, or self-doubt, and can create a self-imposed barrier to achieving goals or pursuing opportunities.
For example, someone who believes that they are not good enough to start their own business due to a lack of experience or knowledge has a limiting belief. This belief may prevent them from taking the necessary steps to move forward or explore their entrepreneurial potential.
- Love Bombing
- Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by individuals or groups to gain control or influence over someone by showering them with excessive affection, attention, and compliments. This behavior aims to overwhelm the targeted person emotionally, making it easier for the manipulator to exploit and manipulate them.
For example, an individual may engage in love bombing at the beginning of a romantic relationship. They may excessively praise their partner, constantly shower them with gifts and affection, and make grand promises for the future. This barrage of love and attention can make the targeted individual feel desired and special, potentially clouding their judgment and making them more susceptible to the manipulator’s control further down the line.
When one person in a toxic relationship wants to end it, the other might use love bombing as a tactic to create a false image of a loving and caring partner. By suddenly showering the other person with intense attention, affection, and apologies for their past behavior, they aim to confuse and disarm the partner in order to manipulate them into staying in the relationship. The person using love bombing may temporarily change their behavior, promising to change and demonstrating seemingly genuine love and remorse. However, once the targeted person becomes emotionally invested and lower their guard, the manipulator may revert to their toxic behavior, leaving the partner feeling trapped and unable to leave.
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- Mental Load
- Mental load refers to the invisible and intangible burden of managing and organizing tasks, responsibilities, and decision-making in various aspects of life. It involves not only performing the tasks themselves but also planning, prioritizing, and delegating them, such as: managing and coordinating schedules for the entire family, ensuring everyone’s appointments, activities, commitments, organizing and planning meals, shopping for groceries, maintaining a balanced budget, communicating with schools or daycares, staying on top of important deadlines and paperwork related to her child’s education, etc.
- Mindfulness
- Mindfulness is the act of purposely paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It involves bringing awareness to one’s thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. By practicing mindfulness, individuals can develop a greater ability to stay focused, manage stress, and make thoughtful decisions.
Here’s a concrete example: Imagine you are eating a meal. Instead of mindlessly consuming the food while your mind wanders to other things, mindfulness would involve savoring each bite fully, paying attention to the flavors, textures, and sensations in your mouth. You may notice the thoughts that arise around the meal, such as judgments or worries about the food. By being mindful, you can intentionally bring your focus back to the present moment and enjoy the experience of eating without distraction.
- Motivated Reasoning
- Motivated reasoning is a cognitive process in which individuals are influenced by their pre-existing attitudes, beliefs, or desires, leading them to selectively analyze information or arguments that align with their existing mindset. It is the tendency to interpret information in a way that supports one’s preconceived notions or desires, while dismissing or ignoring contradictory evidence.
Let’s say a person has a strong political affiliation towards a particular party. When confronted with news or information that supports their political beliefs, they may readily accept it without questioning its validity or seeking out alternative perspectives. However, when presented with information that goes against their political beliefs, they might be more critical, skeptical, or dismissive of it. Their motivated reasoning leads them to emotionally and cognitively filter information, reinforcing their existing political biases and shielding them from conflicting viewpoints.
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- Narcissism
- Narcissism refers to excessive self-centeredness, an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and a constant need for attention and admiration from others. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies often prioritize their own needs and desires above those of others, and may display a lack of empathy or concern for others’ feelings.
Example: A person consistently interrupts conversations to redirect attention to themselves, often boasting about their achievements or dismissing others’ opinions. They become upset or offended if they perceive that they are not being recognized as the center of attention.
- Narcissistic Abuse
- Narcissistic abuse refers to the harmful tactics employed by a narcissist to gain power and control over others, typically resulting in emotional, psychological, or even physical harm to the victim. It involves a pattern of manipulative behavior, exploitation, gaslighting, and emotional or psychological manipulation, aimed at devaluing and demeaning the victim.
For example, imagine a romantic relationship where one partner, who is a narcissist, constantly criticizes and belittles the other, making them doubt their worth and constantly feel inadequate. The narcissist may also isolate the victim from friends and family, control their finances, and engage in other forms of emotional manipulation to maintain control over them. In such cases, the victim may experience extreme emotional distress and a diminished sense of self-worth due to the narcissistic abuse inflicted upon them.
- Nonverbal Behavior
- Nonverbal behavior refers to any form of communication or expression that does not involve words or spoken language. It includes facial expressions, gestures, body language, eye contact, posture, and other nonverbal cues.
Example: During a job interview, a candidate’s nonverbal behavior can convey confidence and competence. Sitting up straight, maintaining eye contact, and giving a firm handshake are positive nonverbal cues that can create a favorable impression on the interviewer.
- Nostalgia
- Nostalgia is a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, often triggered by certain memories or experiences.
Example: A woman visits her childhood home after several years and is greeted by the sound of her mom’s favorite song playing on the radio. The familiar melody instantly triggers her nostalgia, taking her back to the countless times her mother would sing along to this song while they spent quality time together. The wave of emotions floods her, bringing back cherished memories of their close bond and happy moments shared.
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- Overconfidence
- The tendency to have excessive confidence or belief in one’s abilities, knowledge, or judgments, often leading to overestimation, biases, or risky decision-making.
For example, an employee who has consistently met or exceeded their targets at work may develop overconfidence in their abilities. They may start believing that they are indispensable and that their performance will always be exceptional. This overconfidence might lead them to take on more tasks than they can handle or make commitments they cannot fulfill within the given timeframe. As a result, they may end up overwhelmed and unable to meet expectations, causing issues for themselves and their team.
- Overthinking
- Overthinking is the act of dwelling excessively on a certain thought, idea, or problem, often to the point of causing anxiety or distress. It involves overanalyzing and overemphasizing every aspect of a situation, which can lead to difficulty making decisions or finding solutions.
For example, let’s say you have to give a presentation at work. Instead of preparing and practicing, if you constantly worry about the smallest details, such as the font size in your slides or the specific wording of your sentences, to the extent that it causes stress and hinders your progress, then you are likely overthinking the situation.
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- Paranoia
- Paranoia is an excessive and irrational belief or fear that someone or something is conspiring against or watching you. It is an unfounded suspicion or distrust of others, often accompanied by feelings of unease or anxiety.
For example, someone experiencing paranoia may constantly believe that their friends are secretly planning to betray them, even when there is no evidence to support this belief. They may interpret innocent actions or comments as evidence of a conspiracy against them, leading to unnecessary conflict and strain in their relationships.
- Patterns
- Patterns refer to recurring behaviors or actions that can be observed in individuals or groups. These patterns are often characterized by specific reactions, habits, or responses that are consistently displayed in certain situations.
One common example of a behavioral pattern is the fight-or-flight response. When faced with a threat, some individuals may instinctively choose to confront the situation aggressively (fight), while others may opt to escape or avoid it altogether (flight). This pattern can be observed across different individuals, indicating a consistent behavioral response to perceived danger.
- People-Pleasing
- People-pleasing refers to a habitual behavior or personality trait where an individual goes to great lengths to please others, often at the expense of their own needs and desires. It involves constantly seeking approval, avoiding conflict, and going out of one’s way to satisfy others in order to gain acceptance and avoid criticism or rejection.
Example: Anna is a classic people-pleaser. She always says yes to every request, even if it inconveniences her or clashes with her own plans. She frequently neglects her own needs and spends her time trying to make others happy. She often suppresses her own opinions and agrees with others just to avoid conflict or disapproval.
- Perfectionism
- Perfectionism refers to the tendency or desire to achieve flawless, error-free, or ideal outcomes in tasks, goals, or personal standards. It involves setting extremely high expectations and an inability to accept any mistakes or imperfections.
For example, a perfectionist student may spend an excessive amount of time on a single assignment, constantly seeking to make it absolutely perfect. They may become highly stressed or anxious at the thought of submitting work that is not flawless, often leading to procrastination or dissatisfaction with their achievements, even when others consider their work to be excellent.
- Postpartum Depression
- Postpartum depression refers to a mental health condition that affects some women after giving birth. It is characterized by feelings of sadness, anxiety, and low energy, which can interfere with the mother’s ability to care for herself and her baby.
For example, a woman experiencing postpartum depression may struggle to bond with her newborn, often feeling overwhelmed or disconnected. She may also have difficulty sleeping or eating properly and may withdraw from activities she once enjoyed.
- Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)
- Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) that affects approximately 3-8% of women of reproductive age. It is a hormonal and mood disorder characterized by mood swings, depression, irritability, and anxiety in the week or two before menstruation. PMDD symptoms often interfere with daily activities and relationships.
Symptoms of PMDD may include mood swings, depression, irritability, anxiety, fatigue, appetite changes, sleep disturbances, and other physical symptoms. To be diagnosed with PMDD, a woman must experience at least five of the above symptoms, including at least one mood symptom, in the week before menstruation for at least two consecutive menstrual cycles. Symptoms must also significantly interfere with daily functioning and be absent in the week following menstruation.
- Problem-Solving
- Problem-solving refers to the process of finding solutions to challenges or difficulties that arise in various situations. It involves identifying the problem, analyzing it, generating potential solutions, evaluating the options, and implementing the best course of action.
Example: Let’s say you are planning a surprise party for a friend, but you have limited funds and don’t have a venue. The problem is to find a way to throw a memorable party within your budget. You can start by brainstorming ideas, such as hosting the party at a friend’s house or a public park. Then, you evaluate each option based on cost, convenience, and available resources. Eventually, you decide to host the party at a friend’s house and come up with creative decorations and activities that fit your budget. By doing so, you have successfully applied problem-solving skills to overcome the challenge.
- Procrastination
- Procrastination is the act of postponing or delaying tasks or activities that need to be completed, typically due to a lack of motivation or a tendency to prioritize more pleasurable activities.
For example, a woman may have an important work presentation due the next day. However, instead of working on it, she spends the evening watching her favorite TV show, telling herself that she will start working on the presentation later.
- Projection
- Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where an individual attributes their own unwanted or undesirable thoughts, feelings, or traits onto others. It involves perceiving others as having those attributes that the individual finds unacceptable in themselves.
In the context of a relationship, projection can also occur. For instance, imagine a person who has trust issues due to past experiences of betrayal. They may project their own distrust onto their partner and perceive them as unfaithful or dishonest, even if there is no evidence to support those claims. The person is projecting their own fears and insecurities onto their partner, instead of addressing and working on them within themselves.
- Prosocial Behavior
- Prosocial behavior refers to any action or behavior that is intended to benefit others or society as a whole. It involves acts of kindness, empathy, generosity, and cooperation, among others, with the objective of improving the well-being or welfare of others. Prosocial behavior is driven by motives such as empathy, altruism, moral values, and social norms.
Example: Holding the door open for someone who has their hands full with bags is an example of prosocial behavior. By helping out, the individual is showing kindness, consideration, and a willingness to assist someone in need.
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- Rationalization
- Rationalization refers to the psychological defense mechanism by which an individual justifies or explains behaviors, beliefs, or decisions in a logical or rational manner, often to avoid facing the true underlying reasons or to avoid feelings of guilt or anxiety.
Example: Emily overhears her aunt sharing instances of abuse and mistreatment she endured from her partner. However, Emily has always perceived her aunt’s partner as a kind and loving person. Caught in disbelief and unable to reconcile this new information with her previous image of him, Emily resorts to rationalization to protect her beliefs and emotions. She might convince herself that her aunt is exaggerating or misinterpreting the situations, finding alternative explanations for the reported abuse in order to maintain her positive perception of her aunt’s partner. In doing so, Emily avoids the discomfort of accepting that someone she trusted and admired could be capable of abuse.
- Reaction Formation
- Reaction formation is a defense mechanism in which a person behaves in a way that is completely opposite to their true thoughts, feelings, or desires. It is a way of unconsciously expressing the opposite feelings and protecting oneself from experiencing the anxiety or discomfort associated with their genuine emotions.
Example: A person who harbors deep feelings of anger or contempt towards someone might display exaggerated friendliness and kindness towards them. This individual may go out of their way to help and compliment that person, even though they internally dislike them. By behaving in such a way, they are denying their true feelings and creating a facade to mask their real emotions.
- Repression
- Repression refers to the act of suppressing or restraining certain thoughts, feelings, or behaviors from one’s conscious awareness. It involves pushing undesirable or threatening thoughts and emotions into the unconscious mind, where they remain hidden but can still influence behavior and mental functioning.
One example of repression could be a person who experienced a traumatic event in their childhood but cannot recall any memory or details about it. Although the memory is repressed and not consciously accessible, it may still affect their behavior, relationships, or mental well-being without them fully understanding why.
- Resentment
- Feelings of bitterness, anger, or indignation towards someone or a situation due to perceived unfairness, mistreatment, injustice, or disappointment. It often involves holding a grudge or harboring negative emotions towards someone or something.
Example: After being passed over for a promotion at work for the third time, Sarah developed resentment towards her colleague who received the promotion instead. She felt overlooked and unjustly treated, leading to a growing resentment towards her colleague, affecting their professional relationship.
- Resilience
- Resilience refers to the ability of an individual, system, or community to bounce back and recover quickly from adversity or challenges. It involves adapting, persisting, and maintaining a sense of normalcy in the face of difficult situations. Resilience allows individuals or systems to withstand and cope with stress, setbacks, or traumatic events, ultimately leading to personal growth and improved functioning.
For example, imagine a person who loses their job unexpectedly. Instead of getting overwhelmed by stress or giving up, they remain optimistic, adapt their skills to find new opportunities, and utilize their support network to help them navigate through this difficult time. They maintain a positive mindset, stay motivated, and ultimately find a new job that fits their interests and goals. This person’s resilience allows them to recover from the setback of unemployment and to continue moving forward in their life.
- Rumination
- Rumination refers to the act of continuously thinking or reflecting on a particular issue, problem, or negative experience. It often involves overanalyzing and excessively replaying events or thoughts in one’s mind.
Example: After failing a job interview, Sarah constantly dwells on what went wrong, replaying every answer she gave and analyzing her performance. She can’t stop thinking about it, even though it happened several weeks ago. Sarah’s rumination hampers her ability to move on and affects her overall mood and self-esteem.
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- Sarcasm
- Sarcasm is a form of language that uses irony to mock or convey the opposite meaning of what is actually said. It is often characterized by a tone of contempt or ridicule towards its subject.
Example: “Oh great, another meeting. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my afternoon.”
- Scapegoating
- The act or practice of blaming others, often unfairly or unjustly, for one’s own problems, shortcomings, or failures.
An example of scapegoating could involve a parent who consistently blames one of their children for the family’s financial difficulties. Despite the fact that the parent may actually be the one mismanaging the finances or facing other personal challenges, they constantly pin the blame on the child, accusing them of being lazy or irresponsible. This allows the parent to deflect responsibility and avoid addressing their own contribution to the family’s problems, resulting in the unfair scapegoating of the child.
- Selective Attention
- Selective attention is the ability to focus on specific stimuli while ignoring others. It involves directing our attention to particular information or stimuli in our environment while filtering out distractions.
For example, imagine you are studying in a busy coffee shop. Selective attention allows you to concentrate on your reading or writing while tuning out conversations, background noise, and other distractions around you.
- Self-Awareness
- The ability to know and understand oneself, including one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It involves being conscious of your own strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs, and how they impact your actions and interactions with others.
For example, a self-aware mom may recognize that she tends to get easily overwhelmed and stressed when trying to balance her work and family responsibilities. With this awareness, she can take proactive measures like setting boundaries, delegating tasks, or seeking support to manage her stress and ensure a healthier work-life balance.
- Self-Care
- Self-care refers to the intentional actions and practices that individuals engage in to take care of their overall well-being, including physical, mental, and emotional health. These actions can include activities such as getting enough sleep, eating nutritious food, exercising regularly, setting boundaries, taking breaks, practicing mindfulness, engaging in hobbies, and seeking support when needed.
- Self-Compassion
- Self-compassion is the act of being kind, understanding, and accepting toward ourselves, especially during times of struggle or failure. It involves recognizing and validating our own suffering, rather than criticizing or judging ourselves harshly.
For examples, let’s say you made a mistake at work that cost your team a significant amount of time and effort. Instead of beating yourself up and berating yourself for being careless, self-compassion would involve acknowledging your mistake, understanding that everyone makes errors sometimes, and offering yourself words of kindness and encouragement to move forward, such as “It’s okay, mistakes happen to everyone. I will learn from this and do better next time.”
- Self-Control
- Self-control refers to the ability to regulate or restrain one’s impulses, emotions, or behaviors in order to achieve a desired goal or outcome. It involves managing one’s impulses and resisting immediate gratification or temptations.
For example, let’s say you are on a diet and have a strong craving for a piece of cake. Self-control would be the ability to resist the temptation and stick to your diet plan, choosing a healthier alternative instead.
- Self-Criticism
- Self-criticism refers to the act of analyzing and evaluating one’s own thoughts, actions, or behaviors in a critical and often negative manner. It involves being self-aware and identifying personal weaknesses, mistakes, or areas of improvement.
Example: After delivering a presentation at work, a person might engage in self-criticism by focusing on their nervousness, stumbling over words, or feeling that they could have provided more concise explanations. They might tell themselves, “I did not perform well. I was too hesitant and failed to fully engage the audience.”
- Self-Doubt
- Self-doubt refers to a lack of confidence in one’s abilities, judgments, or decisions. It involves questioning oneself and feeling unsure or uncertain about one’s skills, ideas, or worth.
Example: John has always been hesitant about his writing skills, often doubting his ability to write effectively. Whenever he receives positive feedback on his work, he still questions whether it is genuine, leading to feelings of self-doubt.
- Self-Esteem
- Self-esteem refers to a person’s overall evaluation and perception of their worth, value, and confidence in themselves. It involves having a positive and healthy view of oneself, acknowledging one’s strengths, and believing in one’s capabilities.
For example, a woman with high self-esteem may feel confident in her abilities, believe in her ideas, and feel worthy of success in her personal and professional life. She acknowledges her worth, accepts and loves herself, and does not easily let criticism or societal pressures affect her self-perception.
- Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
- The phenomenon where a belief or expectation about oneself or others leads to behaviors that ultimately cause that belief or expectation to come true.
Example: Jane believes she is not good at public speaking and is convinced she will mess up her presentation. As a result, she feels anxious and lacks confidence, leading her to stumble over her words and deliver a subpar presentation. Jane’s original belief that she was not good at public speaking became a self-fulfilling prophecy because her expectation influenced her behavior and ultimately led to the outcome she feared.
- Self-Handicapping
- Self-handicapping refers to a psychological behavior where individuals intentionally create obstacles or excuses to attribute their potential failure or poor performance to external factors, rather than their own abilities or efforts. It is a strategy aimed at protecting one’s self-esteem and minimizing the impact of failure or negative evaluation.
For example, a student who is afraid of getting a low score on a test might engage in self-handicapping by procrastinating studying until the night before the exam. By doing this, the student creates an excuse for their potential poor performance, blaming the lack of preparation rather than their own abilities. Therefore, if they do poorly on the test, they can attribute it to not having enough time to study, rather than any shortcomings in their knowledge or skills.
- Self-Reflection
- Self-reflection is the act of examining and analyzing one’s own thoughts, feelings, and actions in order to gain a deeper understanding of oneself and one’s experiences. It involves introspection and evaluating our own beliefs, values, and behaviors.
For example, after a heated argument with a friend, someone engaging in self-reflection may take the time to evaluate their own reactions and emotions during the conflict. They might ask themselves why they became so defensive or why they felt hurt by certain statements. By reflecting on their own behavior, they can gain insights into their own triggers and patterns, allowing them to better understand their emotions and potentially improve their relationships in the future.
- Self-Sabotage
- Self-sabotage is when a person, consciously or unconsciously, engages in actions or behaviors that hinder their own progress, success, or well-being.
For example, suppose someone has a big job interview the next day. Instead of getting a good night’s sleep, they stay up all night playing video games and neglect their preparation for the interview. By doing so, they are sabotaging their chances of performing well and getting the job.
- Sensation-Seeking
- Sensation-seeking refers to a personality trait characterized by an individual’s desire for thrilling, novel, and intense experiences. People high in sensation-seeking tend to seek out activities and environments that provide excitement, adventure, and stimulation. They often engage in risky behaviors and actively pursue opportunities to escape boredom.
Example: Maria, a sensation-seeking individual, is always looking for new and exciting experiences. She enjoys skydiving, bungee jumping, and trying exotic foods. She constantly seeks adventure and cannot stand being in mundane or routine situations.
- Social Comparison
- Evaluating one’s own abilities, qualities, or accomplishments in relation to others, often leading to feelings of superiority, inferiority, or competitiveness. Social comparisons can have both positive and negative effects on individuals’ self-esteem and motivation, depending on the context and the individual’s interpretation of the comparison.
Example: Emily is a competitive swimmer who constantly compares her swimming times to those of her teammates. When she sees that her times are slower than her teammates, she feels motivated to work harder to improve her performance. On the other hand, when she discovers that her times are faster than others, it boosts her confidence and makes her feel proud of her achievements.
- Social Comparison
- The tendency to evaluate one’s own abilities, achievements, or attributes by comparing them with those of others, often resulting in feelings of inferiority or superiority.
Example: Charlotte is a high school student who regularly compares herself to her classmates in terms of academic performance. She constantly checks her grades and compares them to the grades of her classmates to gauge her own intelligence and success. If she sees that her grades are higher than others, she feels a sense of accomplishment and pride. However, if her grades are lower than her classmates, she may feel inadequate or envious, motivating her to work harder to improve her performance.
- Social Conformity
- Social conformity refers to the tendency of individuals to adjust their thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors to align with the majority opinion or social norms. It involves the pressure to fit in and be accepted by others, often resulting in people adopting the views and behaviors of the group even if they differ from their own.
For example, imagine a high school student who prefers alternative music styles but feels the need to conform to the popular music tastes of his classmates. In order to avoid standing out or facing rejection, he starts listening to the same mainstream music as his friends, even though it goes against his individual preferences.
- Social Facilitation
- The tendency for individuals to perform better on tasks in the presence of others, with their performance enhanced by the mere presence or observation of others.
For example, imagine a basketball player who is more likely to make successful shots during a game when they have an audience cheering for them. The presence of the spectators increases their arousal and motivation, leading to improved performance.
- Social Loafing
- Social loafing refers to the phenomenon where individuals exert less effort when working as part of a group compared to when working independently. It occurs when individuals believe their contributions will not be recognized or evaluated individually and thus, they reduce their effort, relying on others to compensate.
For example, imagine a group project in school where each member is responsible for contributing research and creating a presentation. If one individual in the group believes their input is not crucial or that their effort will not be noticed, they may contribute less or resort to relying on others to carry the workload.
- Societal Pressure
- Societal pressure refers to the influence and expectations imposed on individuals by society or a particular community. It involves the social norms, values, beliefs, and expectations that guide behavior and influence individuals to conform. This pressure can come from various sources, such as family, friends, media, institutions, or cultural traditions, and may impact how people act, think, and make decisions.
A concrete example of societal pressure is the expectation for young adults to pursue higher education. In many societies, there is a prevalent belief that obtaining a college degree is essential for success and a better future. Young individuals often feel pressured to conform to this societal norm, even if they may have different aspirations or interests. They may feel compelled to choose a college path that aligns with these expectations, even if it doesn’t truly resonate with their own personal goals or values.
- Stereotyping
- Stereotyping refers to the process of generalizing and categorizing individuals or groups based on preconceived notions or assumptions about their characteristics, behaviors, or traits. It involves making simplified and often outdated beliefs about people, ascribing these beliefs to an entire group, and ignoring individual differences or complexity.
Example: Assuming that all women are bad at driving is a stereotype. This belief generalizes and assigns a characteristic to an entire gender without considering the individual skills and abilities of each person.
- Stockholm Syndrome
- Stockholm Syndrome refers to a psychological phenomenon where hostages or victims develop an emotional bond or attachment to their captors or abusers. The term originates from a bank robbery that took place in Stockholm, Sweden, in 1973. During the incident, four employees were held captive for several days. Surprisingly, the hostages developed sympathy, trust, and even defended their captors against the police. This perplexing reaction is now known as Stockholm Syndrome.
Example: Imagine a person who is kidnapped by a group of individuals and held in captivity for an extended period. Rather than feeling anger or resentment towards their captors, they begin to empathize with them and even defend their actions. They may start developing positive feelings and emotional attachment to their captors, eventually finding it difficult to perceive them as a threat.
- Sublimation
- Sublimation is a defense mechanism where an individual channels their negative or socially unacceptable impulses into socially acceptable behaviors or activities. This allows them to express their emotions and frustrations in a more constructive or productive way.
For example, consider a person who has anger issues and a tendency to get into fights. Instead of engaging in physical violence, they sublimate their aggression by taking up boxing or martial arts as a means to release their anger and aggression in a controlled and disciplined manner. By channeling their negative impulses into a socially acceptable activity, they are able to manage their anger without causing harm to themselves or others.
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- Trauma
- Traumas refer to deeply distressing or disturbing events that can have lasting impacts on an individual’s physical, emotional, or psychological well-being. These events may involve experiencing or witnessing situations that pose a threat to one’s life, safety, or sense of self.
For example, a person who has been involved in a severe car accident may face physical trauma in the form of injuries and fear, psychological trauma related to the overwhelming stress of the event, and emotional trauma resulting from the shock and distress. These traumas can lead to long-term consequences such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
- Triggers
- Triggers, in the context of people, refer to experiences, events, or stimuli that produce strong emotional responses or reactions. These triggers may cause someone to feel anxious, upset, or scared due to their association with past traumatic experiences or negative memories.
For example, a person who was previously involved in a car accident may be triggered when they hear screeching tires or see a close call while driving. These triggers can induce intense feelings of fear, anxiety, or even cause them to have panic attacks, as their brain associates these stimuli with the traumatic event they went through.
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- Undoing
- Undoing is a defense mechanism in psychology characterized by the act of trying to reverse or cancel out a previous unacceptable thought, feeling, or action by engaging in behavior that is meant to symbolically “undo” the initial event. This defense mechanism is commonly used to alleviate feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety caused by an undesirable action or thought.
For example, after losing her temper and scolding her child for a minor mistake, a mother might engage in undoing as a defense mechanism. She might then apologize sincerely, hug her child tightly, and spend extra time with them doing fun activities to show her love and make up for her earlier behavior. This behavior allows her to alleviate the guilt she feels for yelling at her child and repair their relationship by emphasizing her love and care.
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- Verbal Abuse
- Verbal abuse refers to a pattern of using words, tone, or language to exert control, degrade, intimidate, or harm another person emotionally, psychologically, or mentally. It involves the persistent use of derogatory, disrespectful, offensive, or threatening language that undermines someone’s self-esteem and dignity.
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